I'm not the only one
by AmyFelton123
Summary: <html><head></head>I love Lily more than anything, but I'm not the only one.   Just a short One-shot on Snape and his feelings. Please review, it means a lot on this occasion. Just tell me what you think. Thanks.</html>


**A/N:**** OK, so I know all you guys are wanting me to put more on my Rose and Scorpius sequel but... there's a problem. I know what I want to do for the story and the plot (basically) but I have no idea how to put it into words. So here I am on a whim, making a Snape fanfiction for a dear friend... you know who you are, wink. **

**Sorry if some of you guys are depressed by this but hey, this is just how I picture Snape and him being. **

I could feel it. Burning. Almost as if it was crawling off my skin, scratching at me leaving hot, red trials. There was no turning back. I had chosen this. It was _my _decision. The inside of my left arm flamed, the blood surely had to be boiling underneath my pale skin. I was one of them now. I gritted my teeth as the pain in my arm peaked again, like a hot, sharp knife cutting into me. I couldn't bare it. It took all my strength not to cry out. The halls were packed as I filed through them, most people sitting, talking laughing and enjoying lunch. Even if I did cry out or shout, no-one would do anything. No-one would care. I grabbed at my arm, begging the pain to stop. I squeezed tightly feeling the skin beneath my robes squirm- like a snake. I had to get out of here. The halls. I needed to get somewhere private or I would collapse here, in front of everyone. My eyes were blacking out every few seconds, my rasping breaths flying behind me as I ran through the halls. My robes billowed behind me, I clutched my school books closer to me fearing I would drop them scattering my work for everyone to see.

I came to a stop at the Library, it was my best bet. My black hair sticking to my face as sweat began to gather on my forehead. I could almost hear people's thought as I passed by, so many of them were voiced anyway, it was easy to guess.

_Snivellous. _

_Do you think he's heard of shampoo?_

_What a nerd. _

_He's such a freak, I wish he would go back to the freaky planet he came from. _

People can only see the outside, that's what I've gathered and believed all my life. Except one...

I pushed open the gate the restricted section and ran inside, going straight the back corner where I knew there was a table. I reached out to grab the chair but it was too late. I was spinning, everything was blurring, merging like an oil painting. I needed something to hold onto, to support me, to hold me, to love me...

"Lily..." Then everything went black.

My eyes fluttered open. I was still in the restricted section, just inches from the chair I had tried to grab. I carefully sat up, closing my eyes when I felt my head spin slightly. The burning on my arm had stopped, but it twinged reminding me it was still there. It would never go away. It was me. I carefully pulled up my sleeve to reveal it, the Dark Mark. It stood out on my white skin, the black shape, skull and snake. Everything about it was... well there is no word to describe it. It felt like it was alive, sucking all life from me just to keep it there and on my skin. Brandishing me. I wanted it gone.

She could never know. If she did she would speak to me even less than she already did, which was only when forced to in Potions. She would probably tell Potter to. My heart ached thinking of them. He had everything I wanted, and then he took Lily. The one thing that used to be constant. Flattered her, made her feel good and wanted. The one thing I was too nervous to do. Every time I got close to telling her, my palms sweating, my chest heaving, I would freeze. One thought running through my mind. _Why would she want me? _And I would be a coward and back down. Then it was too late. Tears formed in my eyes, and rolled down my face. I wanted to be perfect, good and... handsome. For her, but I was no James Potter.

"James!" I would know that voice anywhere, that sweet, beautiful voice. "We shouldn't be in here!" she whispered, a soft giggle present in her voice. I stood careful not to make any noise as I peaked around the corner. They were here. Oh no. "We should be in Charms!"

"I think Flitwick will live one lessons without you" Potter. I wanted to spit out his name with undeniable venom, as he stood there holding her, looking down at her as she smiled up at him. He had everything. Everything I wanted. It wasn't fair. I moved around so I was behind the bookcase and peered through it silently shuffling some books around. Being caught had completely flown out of my head, I just watched and listened.

"And what about you?" She asked poking him in the chest.

"I don't think he really cares about me" he said, slowly leaning down a and kissing her. I couldn't watch I had to turn away. Tears rising up into my eyes again, why was this happening to me? Did Merlin had some grudge against me from a previous life? Why did the worst things always happen to me. Finally, Lily pulled away from him only to rest her head against his chest. I felt sick.

"Anyway" she said, looking up a him. "What was it you wanted to tell me that was _so _important it could wait till after Charms class?" I saw him shift, almost... nervously. James Potter, nervous? I saw his hand immediately go to his back pocket of his trousers. However heart broken I felt right now, I felt so curious at what had made James Potter nervous.

"Look" he said, lightly rubbing her arms. "I know we aren't even out of school yet but..."

"But?" _But?..._

"I don't what is going to happen, with the war, us, The Order and I just..." _The Order? _"I love you so much." I felt a tugging in my chest as he said these words to her. "I love you Lily Evans, you are the only person I want to be with, ever" I saw her looking up to him, her eyes glazed. I dropped my head, I couldn't look any more. I was sure my heart would shatter. "I don't know how long we are going to be around after school because of the war, but I do know one thing I want to be with you and no-one else." I heard him say these words and tried so hard not to come out from around the corner and punch him, straight in the face. He had taken everything from me. And now he said these things to Lily, as if he were the only person in world who felt them. There was a longs pause and I could hear her breathing and smell her perfume, wishing I was the one in Potter's position, that I had said nothing on that day by the Lake in fifth year, wishing things were different, wishing I was handsome, wishing I was good enough for her, wishing-

"Marry me" Two words. Silence. My head snapped up. My heart stopped beating. I stopped breathing. Everything stopped. I saw he was on one knee in front of her, her hands were over her mouth, tears rolling down her face and he held out a small golden ring in front of him. _No, _I thought, _Please no, don't do this, please. _I felt tears run down my face as the silence wore on, silently begging in my head she would refuse.

"Yes" she whispered, a huge smile breaking out on her face. "Yes, Yes, Yes! YES!" she shouted as Potter stood up and embraced her, she grabbed onto him crying into him. They looked so... happy. Nothing I could do for her would ever make her happier than being with him. I would never be good enough. James slipped the ring onto her finger and smiled.

"Mrs Lily Potter" he whispered, almost to himself.

"I love you" She loved him. She loved _him. _Not me. I watched as James kissed her again, this time more passionately. I turned away. Why, I wasn't sure. Partly because I couldn't bare to watch my heart snapping in two as they stood there, so in love. But a part of me wanted to say respect. This was meant to be their time, alone, private. Potter had brought her here so they could be alone and he could do this. To me, James Potter had always been so open, public and never afraid to show what he thought of other and me especially. I wondered why for a second, why she was different. Then it hit me. He must _really _love her. He had just asked her to marry him for god's sake. I clutched at my chest, feeling a pain so terrible there is no way to describe it.

I loved Lily, more than anything. But I wasn't the only one. And maybe, _just maybe, _if I had been that little bit braver all those times I had been so close to telling her my true feelings, it would've been me. I would be the one kissing her and holding her. Making her smile and giggle. Making her cry and asking her to marry me. And maybe, she would love me too.

**A/N:**** I know, sadness, but dudes it's true. In my opinion I think this is how Snape felt. And I always imagine James proposing to Lily, before they graduate from Hogwarts and in complete private... or so they thought. **

**Anyway, that another from me. Good Night and Happy trails. **


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